Language assistant has breakdown despite school saying job is “quick and easy” | Mhairi Campbell


Language assistant has breakdown despite school saying job is “quick and easy”

Mhairi Campbell

Fake News Real Fiction Award


On the 23rd of February, English Language assistant Mhairi Campbell had a breakdown in the town square of small French town. A video taken by a local high schooler shows her throwing her bag onto the road, causing a build-up of traffic and shouting obscenities “in a strange Scottish accent”.

“We really didn’t know what she was saying.” One boy said. “Despite her teaching us all year and putting a lot of effort into the lessons, we couldn’t pick up one word.” The other children concluded that if they had listened in class, they might have understood what was going on.
When asked for comment, the school stated that “they had only asked for lesson plans and possibly a game.” The principal stated that it was the same as any other assistant. When asked why Miss Campbell had been heading for the town hall after class, another teacher said that it was to “build a game” for the entire class, despite the said twenty year old having no history of DIY.

“I mean, all the other assistants do it.” Principal Alain Boulanger said. When asked for the contact details of these other people, the principal seemed uncomfortable, and responded with “Well, I don’t really know. We’ve never had one but I can’t say we were unprepared.”
In order to really understand what caused this massive meltdown, we must follow the path of the stressed assistant. While leaving the school, it seems her rather large and heavy bag was caught in a revolving door, causing various papers and flashcards to spill onto the ground, only to be ravaged by terrifying children. After gathering them up she began to swear under her breath and as, we guess, the thought of all that she had to do in the upcoming hour preyed on her mind, these words grew gradually louder until she was shouting.

“Quick and small!” She was apparently screaming. “A quick and small job! Like hell it is! Ahhh!”

After recovering from her meltdown, the assistant picked up her bag and walked back to her flat, which is sadly in the local high school.

When asked for comment, the young assistant said “I mean, I’ve calmed down now and I think I can get it done for tomorrow.”

When asked if she plans to resign, the girl replied, “Oh no! I have those meltdowns all the time. You just got to see that one.”

She then reassured us that it was the most fulfilling job she’d ever had and that she recommended it.