Cam Dang takes us to the rain soaked highway for a glimpse into the life of Eva’s lover in this sequel to Rain.
Rock & Roll Queen
You are the sun
You are my only one
My heart is blue
My heart is blue for you
Be my little rock and roll queen
For the last hour I’ve been howling along to The Subways’ Rock & Roll queen like a nutcase out of meds. I might as well be – Eva hasn’t returned my calls for a month. Has she figured out that she can be with someone way better than a meat head like me? Perhaps someone more like her: with a degree, hair like gold, eyes like the oceans. Has she met someone else, some Christian Grey inspired tasty son of a bitch that women swoon over?
Or, has she found out what I did?
All this speculating is driving me insane. I’ve tried to be patient but it’s been four weeks and not a day goes by when I don’t feel like breaking everything around me. So tonight I’m going to her house, uninvited, to see what the hell is going on and fix whatever needs fixing. No more games.
The sky is pouring buckets down to earth and the road begins to blur. I slow down and cop a blast of honking from the car behind me. I try to ignore the stupidity, the testosterone, the ego that turns people into warriors on the road, but my heartrate picks up and my mouth is dry and I just want to pull over and get out of the car and hide. So I do what I’ve been told during my sessions: breathe, think happy thoughts. I continue to sing and think of Eva, with Christian Grey, and Eva, with fucking Christian Grey.
Standing outside her door, I’m breathing like a mad bull. All that thinking and howling inside the car have made me fucking furious. I want an answer. Now.
But then she opens the door and all I can think of is how much I want her, and something in her eyes tells me she feels the same. Go home, she says. Nothing’s wrong, she says. She walks off but I’ll have none of it. I tear my way in and we end up kissing on the floor before I stop and carry her to the bedroom. Eva has a bad back.
The whole time with her I ask myself when I will muster the courage to confess my sin of twenty years ago, when I was 18 and stupid. The car crash, the dead passenger, the years I have done.
The thought of not having her in my life burns like acid on flesh. How strong is her faith in me? And is it strong enough for her to look past what I did and believe when I say that for the rest of my life, I will try and try to be the man that she deserves: a better man.
Outside, the rain slaps against the window. In here, her breaths quicken in my ears. Her fingers digging into my back, she must feel her power coursing through me. Let the clock stop. Let me be lost in this moment, and let us stay together, forever.
I bury myself into her, see only her, feel only her. The rain sings and I call her name. My Eva. My love. My rock and roll queen.