March 2013

George Bernard Shaw said: “The Golden rule is there are no rules.” And it seems the judges agreed. After tallying all the points from our international panel of experts it was clear there could only be one winner. Congratulations to Amber McGlothlin! Amber has become a regular feature at Needle In The Hay. This is her second victory, and it is quite well deserved. Thanks to everyone who entered. The RE:RE Award is still open. Make sure you check it out!

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“I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to get high-speed, Adam,” said Holly as she finished setting up her friend’s brand new internet router. Adam Grayson shrugged, replying, “Never needed it before now.  I don’t do much in the way of gaming and videos and what not. Mostly just use it for email.” In fact, the only reason Adam had relented to Holly’s ongoing pressure to convert was because he had just begun telecommuting, and for that he needed a good, fast connection. “Well, I bet you will now.  Seriously, how could you live with dial-up for that long?  1995 called, they…” “Want their internet back?  Yeah, the aughts called, they want their joke back.  I don’t know.  It’s come in handy.” “Come in handy?  When?  Did you need …

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To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Application for Planet Conqueror Captain position (PCC32)   To whom it may concern I would like to apply for the position of Planet Conqueror Captain. I am not affiliated to any planet or squadron. I have had many astro-years of experience and have acquired a solid understanding of the time space continuum. I also have qualifications in space mechanics and aeronautical engineering. For your convenience I have provided a short summary of my recent battle experiences below. I have attached my CV and more detailed examples of my previous experience with this application. Also attached are copies of my references and qualifications.   Invasion of Rostron (planet with 10,000,000 land inhabitants): I commanded the initial invasion fleet and my crew took several high profile presidential …

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From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: System 887, Sector 442617 The Agrestis is approaching System 887 in Sector 442617. Long-range scans show 8 planets in the system and the 4th planet to be inhabited. The other 7 planets are incapable of supporting human life. Proceeding to take a closer look, will report soon.   From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: System 887, Sector 442617 Very well.   From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: System 887, Sector 442617 Numerous artificial satellites in orbit around the 4th planet. Technology is unfamiliar although all seem to be capable of communication. Will try to establish contact.   From: [email protected] To: ALL FREQ Subject: First Contact This is Captain Hacker of the vessel Agrestis. Our species is known as Human, from planet Earth. We come in …

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  From the highest of the retro-deco corporate towers, to the slums of the forgotten sewer cities, citizens and aliens of old earth tune their radios to the frequency of the Needle. Breathlessly, they await the announcement. Somewhere star ward, a merchant fleets twinkles in orbit. Congratulations to our Winner: Joey To! This is Joey’s first win and it’s well deserved. As well as frequently submitting to our short list (he even has one up now for the WEBMASTER Award) Joey also does his own artwork. A writer who always has something to say, Joey has shown a continual improvement in how he says it. As one judge put it: “Joey walks the line between the sublime and the profane. You’re never quite sure what he is looking for, but …

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