The Ed

The day after Harry died, I bought cats. The pet shop lady looked at me like I was deranged. Her name was Martha. ‘You want thirty cats!?’ ‘Yes’ ‘I’m sorry you want T-H-I-R-T-Y as in three times ten cats!?’ ‘Yes’ …

I slowly opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by the light. So much light. And not the beautiful, enchanting light of the sun, but rather the depressing light you find in hospitals. “She’s awake,” a masked person stated, leaning …

“You have them?” Alex asked when I arrived home. I nodded, with a slight blush on my face. “Where are they?” I didn’t answer but put my purse on the kitchen table. I lifted the evidence up and saw Alex’s …

A pink-tinted finger-nailed yet extremely hairy hand slid the requested documentation across the table. The guard looked up, squirming a little, as Eddie the Smuggler fluttered his ridiculous eyelashes. Small flecks of mascara remained on Eddie’s upper cheek, and both …

KAX5423 woke in an alley and immediately went into uncontrollable spasms. His arms thrashed, legs kicked, and teeth gnashed together. It hurt. Your first few minutes in your new human body may be disorienting and uncomfortable. The training manual’s description …

John stuck his head around the office door. ‘Hi. I’m John, the new guy.’ A squat, red faced suit slouched in the middle of the room staring at his phone. ‘I’m Steve. Pleased to meet you,’ said Steve beckoning John …

As the sun neared the horizon, more and more folks gathered outside the gates of the town. Soon, the night market would begin, which happened here every no moon’s night, and there would be haggling going all around, fires would …

  “I think the Conservatives are going to pinch it,” said Frank.  He took a swig from his pint. “You’ve got to be joking!  Those guys couldn’t organise the proverbial piss-up!  UKIP’s going steal their vote and they’ll all disappear …

  The electric tea kettle gave off its sharp whistle in the quiet apartment as a sharp omen, unnoticed by the sole present human tenant of the place, who merely stepped over the two meowing cats and poured out the …

Daisy thought that four was the right amount of times to knock, but when there was no answer, she pulled the small notepad out of her purse and double-checked the list she always kept on hand.  Five, she read, seeing …

It was Exodus. Seth Cavill spat more bloody spittle-shit to stain his Sunday best, dirt thick wind hastening to bury the sordid affair. Toes wandered the floor with ballerina grace, loosening splinters in the support arm that held his soul, …

“But that’s ridiculous!” Martha scoffed, tossing her highlighter-pink hair over her shoulder. “How come she’s not allowed in?” “I’m sorry, Martha. I’m just playing by the rules. It might be an all-school thing, but at the end of the day, …

The diner rang with noise; clinking and tinny smashes of knives and forks, the scraping of chairs on a red and white checked floor, the background murmur of an old snowy TV set mounted high on the wall in the …

Before we begin I wish to set a few rules. Rule 1: No making up words. Rule 2: No getting carried away with metaphors. Rule 3: No clichés. Rule 4: No redundant tautologies. Preface: Most people believe that moths are …

I looked at her slathering paint over the wall. She knew how to draw, the antelopes running over the cave wall in formation was enough to make me hungry. The hunt had gone well, we had cornered a boar in …

Maya had succeeded in avoiding her for several days. The first days were easy, of course. But then the phone calls had started, followed by the visits at the door. Maya had managed to ignore them all. But today, her …

  Warmth. Light. That sweet, milky smell. Softness. His skin against her skin. Mama. Playing in the garden. Sunshine on his bare bottom. Mama says, “No one can see us here. Your Dada likes his privacy. I like my sunshine. …

‘Forward!’ yelled a soldier amongst the mass of red cloaks crammed together on the Campus Martius. The sound of a legion of feet marching in unison rumbled through the ground and rattled up the metal bars the boy was clutching. …

‘Look,’ said Roger, ‘The Johnsons are doing it again.’ ‘What Roger? What are the Johnsons doing again?’ sighed Karen, not taking her eyes from page 78 of Fifty Shades of Grey. ‘They’re having a barbeque on their front lawn.’ ‘It’s …