Beyond Reason | Evelyn Parr

You’ve heard of shotgun wedding but what about a shotgun divorce.

Beyond Reason

Evelyn Parr

The Deus Ex Lover Award


Rachael reflected sadly on her marriage as she drove home. She and Chris had enjoyed wonderful times and bad times. His mood swings had become more explosive and Rachael was looking for somewhere else to live. She walked in the front door and Chris began yelling …

As he stormed down the hall, she watched him, terrified, grabbing her mobile as she backed away. No signal. She tried again. Fumbling, she dropped the phone and it came apart with a loud clatter.

Everything moved in slow motion. There was no sound. Chris picked up his shotgun, gathered up some cartridges and was coming towards her.  Rachael opened her mouth.  No sound came out.  Terrified, she backed up against the wall. Tears flowed in torrents as he loaded the weapon and snapped it shut.

‘Get in the car!’ he screamed. ‘Get in your fucking car!’ he roared.

She started to run.

‘No.  No.  Don’t be scared’.  His voice was almost a purr.  ‘Stay right there’.

Outside, he raised the gun and fired. Flames poured out of the barrels, as he fired first one shot, then another, hitting both cars. Suddenly, there was a massive explosion of white fluff as one of the shots caught Chris’ pet sheep grazing in the yard. The injured animal bleated pitifully, falling to the ground.

‘Now look what you made me do, you bitch!’ Chris ran towards the sheep, knowing she was dying. He cocked the gun and put her out of her misery. The noise was deafening.

The phone rang.  Chris rushed back inside and picked it up.

‘Hell-fucking-O!’ he screamed.  Someone hung up.

‘My, my. They didn’t want to talk to me.  I wonder why?’  he cackled raucously.

‘You watch.  The piggies will be here next.  You just watch’.  He giggled as he lifted his head and sniffed the air.

‘My, my.  I do believe I smell bacon.’ He laughed at his own little joke.

A police car cruised past.  Chris clutched the shotgun, laughing loudly.

‘Oh dear, they’ve missed the house!  They don’t know where I am!  Should I pop their back window and give them a bit of a clue?’

He raised the gun and lowered it again, laughing raucously as he paced back and forth. The car turned and made its way back as Chris took aim. Click!. Nothing happened. He checked the bolt and tried again. Bang! The windscreen of his car shattered. Rachael suppressed an overwhelming urge to laugh.

Suddenly police swarmed over the back fence and pounced on Chris, disarming him quickly. Handcuffs were snapped on to his wrists as they dragged him to his feet and out to the police car.

‘It’s all her fault’, he whined.