I tried taking out the DVD and encountered my first problem. The case seemed faulty as it refused to open. I fumbled with it, breaking a nail in the process, and tossed it back to the table in frustration.

At the first glimpse of the game, you know you’re in for something extremely hard. Prepare yourself for a fight from minute one!

I took some scissors and tried prying it open. My first attempt gouged a hole in my desktop. On my second try, I managed to cut through both the plastic and the image on the cover, straight through the crotch of one of the men. Ouch.

The player characters seem very macho and could probably take the most serious wounds without batting an eye lid.

I discovered – stashed away in the background as was common in these sort of shooters – a woman in the picture. From what I could see, she was as macho as her colleagues and I wondered if she was playable as well. She was dressed in an undersized top under which there was no visual trace of any hidden hand grenade or spare rocket, apart from her commensurately oversized breasts. Equality is still elusive, even when it comes to places where weapons could be concealed.

Finally, after uttering the foulest curse I could remember, I managed to open the case. The scissors flew out of my hands and drilled themselves into the wall next to the door, inches away from my husband.

“Oh… baby…hi,” I stuttered.

“What do you have there?” he asked, as if nothing had happened, and approached the desk. “Could this be the newest Call of Blood?”

He looked at me in the most lustful way. Never had I experienced that look before. Not even that one time when I had bought a cute but slutty ensemble and had awaited his arrival from work in our bedroom. This look went further than lust. Further than desire even. It came actually very close to… respect.

Once you have laid eyes on this latest instalment of the Call of Blood franchise, you will be captured. Prepare to discover the deepest emotions, the ones you don’t even know you had.