Burn Your Editor

Apologies for the delayed winner announcement. Seems like some of our judges were a little late in getting their scores in. Maybe they were busy writing rejection responses of their own… Not that we encourage that, ahem, ahaw. Our winner this week is not new to the scene, nor are they a seasoned veteran either. They’ve been around for a little while now, with a win already to their name and a lot of strong stories in the bag. If you haven’t already guessed our winner this week is Charlie Novak for his story To The Editor At Needle In The Hay, a satrical, metafictional story that, like a lot of satire, could have gone either way. Well recived by both judges and readers. I’m happy to award this week’s …

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It is a truth universally acknoweledged that a writer, upon discovering yet another rejection, must be in need of some reply Like chilren in an oprhange authors are told to bite their tongues when it comes to speaking out on this particular subject. By all means, write as many stories as you can, but when it comes to why ‘we’ need ‘them’, yours is not the place to question why. It’s above your paygrade. Publishers are simply to busy, you see. They don’t have the time… The whole industry’s in crisis good fellow, don’t you know. Even Needle In The Hay has fallen on hard times. They’re advertising now. So let’s let bygones be bygones. Forgo the sentimentality and get to business. After all, fiction is big business, and all …

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Malt Eclairemont Drizzley CEO Malt Drizzley Productions Buildings 1-100, Malt Drizzley Land Dear Mr Drizzley, I am writing to you regarding your recent rejection letter, in which you pointed out my apparent – ‘shortcomings’ – that you seemed to believe were the reason I ‘was not an appropriate candidate’ for the role of Cinderella in your upcoming film, Cinder Town. I would like to appeal this decision of yours, as I find it most imprudent and foolish, especially from such an esteemed figure as yourself with over forty years’ experience in the industry. Firstly, I would like to address the concern you raised about the ‘face’ of Cinderella. The photo I had attached to my application letter did not display a ‘very commendable degree of puppy fat’, but rather, the …

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From: [SCRAMBLED] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: Employment Application 7214 Date: 14:16, 21.10.2025 Dear Mr Hayward, Thank you and your staff for granting me the opportunity of an interview last week at your Los Angeles office of Galactic Security Solutions, especially given your initial reluctance due to my age and relative inexperience in field operations. I appreciate your time and was most impressed by the building and its facilities; in particular the computer systems, the training decks and even the toilets. However, I must admit I am a little baffled by your decision to not avail yourselves of my services. I did state clearly that I can be very flexible with my time despite my other commitments which I believe to be highly advantageous in the field of security services. I …

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Mr Oguguomakwa Nnakeme Director- Super Scam Pty Ltd 35 Kontagora Rd Kontagora, Nigeria Dearest Oguguomakwa, Thank you for your letter. Despite my disappointment, I thank you for taking the time to respond to my application. I understand that the position of sub-editor carries with it great responsibility. I also appreciate that any suitable applicant for this position should have significant experience in the scam email industry. It is clear that I do not yet have the requisite knowledge to fulfil such a role. Further, I am aware that you would have had reservations about hiring an Australian rather than a local. After all, why would a foreigner want to travel so far for a job? But you see, not all is as it seems. My name is not Steven Schmidt. …

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