Dwarven Addiction | C.R. Gardner

“Dowafu Chudoku” has been known to cause a number of powerful and incurable addictions

Dwarven Addiction

C.R. Gardner

Dry July Award

Ganry unfolded the morning paper to see a full page Waisei Government warning instead of the usual funnies. She read slowly, her lips moving with each word.


DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, touch, handle or use the mystical eastern axe “Dowafu Chudoku”, also known as “The Axe Of Gambolraeth” or “The Axe of Dwarvish Addiction”, if your height is less than 4 foot 5 inches, you have any dwarven blood running in your veins (no matter how diluted) or are a full blooded and bearded dwarf.

“Dowafu Chudoku” has been known to cause a number of powerful and incurable addictions as well as several unexpected side effects in those with dwarven blood or small stature.

Use of “Dowafu Chudoku” has caused the constant need for dwarves to sing the human songs, ‘the hills are alive with the sound of music’ or, ‘I’m gonna lift you up, never let you down,’ accompanied by uncontrollable spinning and gyration.

Handling “Dowafu Chudoku” often results in the addiction to macramé, baking, cute, fluffy creatures and making friends with goblins and orcs. This particular addiction has resulted in the unfortunate death of several dwarves in recent times.

Side effects include an inability to hold one’s ale, an aversion to gold and brawling, and baldness in both males and females of the entire body, not just the head and face. There is no known cure!*

Please consider your safety, that of your loved ones and your community, and for the love of Pete, Torag, Clanggeddin Silverbeard, Budda, Angradd, Abbathor, God, Bolka, Zeus, Folgrit or any other deities you worship, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES go anywhere near “Dowafu Chudoku”.

If you believe someone you know is in danger of being exposed to the effects of “Dowafu Chudoku”, please call HELP on 4357 for immediate assistance.

*For further information of research into possible cures please refer to Gimli’s Magic Curses & Addiction Cures Omnibus under the subject heading, “Dowafu Chudoku”.

‘Donal!’ roared Ganry, tossing the paper aside as she leapt to her feet, ‘What did yeh say yer new axe was called?’