A History of the World in 10.5 Sentences | Steve Ashton

An even briefer history of Life, the Universe and Everything.


A History of the World in 10.5 Sentences

By Steve Ashton

The Brevity Is What? Award


Before the beginning, there may have been other beginnings, but hey.

In THE beginning, from about 13.8 billion years ago, Big Bang stuff eventually coalesced into the heavens and, incidentally, the Earth.

At which point God said, “Let there be light”, even though there was already plenty.

On Earth, a cauldron of volcanic and lightning activity, possibly stirred by God, cooked up primitive life by Day Three (or Day Trillion by the other calendar).

By Day Six (or Day Gazillion), Adam and Eve were going at it hammer and tongues (sic) in the garden.

For the next couple of million years, various hominid species fought bloody battles for supremacy.

Ditto years 20,000 BC to 1945. It’s just the way we folks like to do things.

In 1965, Bob Dylan went electric.

In 1989, Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web, which quickly morphed into Facebook, thus heralding the end of polite conversation at the breakfast table.

Oh yeah, nearly forgot: there were two big floods, the first due to God having a hissy fit, the second due to melting icecaps caused by Climate Change deniers blowing out hot air.

Next up, Google developed robots with sophisticated artificial intelligence who then…