Writer’s Breakdown | Tarni McCosker

There’s a disease affecting writers.

Writer’s Breakdown

Tarni McCosker

The National Bored Band Award

First writer’s block, and now writers breakdown. The new disease for writers, one where instead of grasping for creative thoughts you are trapped in your own explosive mind due to one, deadly reason; talk shows.

And they’re killing writers worldwide.

Stage one; the invitation. Your book has reached a high amount of popularity. After over a year of writing it was released with bestselling results. There are fanfictions, theories about your characters, everyone has a favorite ‘ship’, and you are even approached about a movie deal. Yet, nobody has even seen the author yet. You haven’t been interviewed, or made any appearances and that is about to change, because in your inbox is the infection. An invitation to your favorite talk show, a life-saving opportunity! You can’t say no to that!

Stage two: rehearsal. Your publicist visits, tells you that you better revise your book. Your own book? How dare them! They get your nerves going, you feel like you are already being interrogated and you haven’t even arrived yet

Stage three; the dressing room. Stocked with food, water and chips, a lamp that doesn’t turn on. This room may feel warm and inviting when first entered, your chance to be a star, but it hosts the disease as well. You have to wait for a wrangler to come get you, and it feels like hours. Suddenly that warm and fuzzy feeling in your stomach turns into one of a cozy, little jail cell prisoner. The moment you try and leave, someone sends you back in again

Stage four; clothing. The wrangler brings in a rack of clothing, all stuff you would never wear. It is uncomfortable, irritating but ‘true artists have to survive all conditions’, right?

Stage five; makeup. Prodding your face, pain, oh why does beauty have to be pain? In fact, why do you look like a Barbie doll? You are not a model, you are a writer!

Then comes the killer; the show. They interrogate, interview you. Asking you question after question about not only your book but your private life.  You realize that they don’t want to know about your book, they just want to add a villain character to the show, make someone look bad for the audience’s entertainment. You know the footage will be edited to make you look awful, and don’t you dare stand up for yourself and be known as a brat for all of eternity!

Your soul has been sucked out, you never want to see a talk show again! But if you write another book and can actually sell it after that interview, you know you will have to. You have lost to writer’s breakdown, you no longer want to be famous, and you just want to go home.

And that is how the disease works.